Laughing all the way...

My father died 18 years ago, today. I remember that day as if it were just a few minutes ago. I remember what it looked like, smelled like... felt like. I even remember what I was wearing.

I don't remember what I wore three days ago, or what I had for dinner night-before-last... but 18 years ago is clear.

Time is a funny thing. The essence of time is that it cannot be recaptured for substance. It may very well be imperfectly recanted through the illusion of memory, but each second - once realized - is gone, leaving only pieces of joy, reflection, sadness or decay.

These emotions exist, I think, because they are among the very few things everyone has in common. They're what tie us all together. Therefore, it's easy to deal with all of it because if we're all feeling it, we can all ignore it and pretend it's not there. But memory reminds us, however flawed it may be.

My father wanted the best for me. He hoped for me. Prayed for me. Wished for me things he'd never even dreamed for himself. He loved me. He was my father. I'm still his son. And I am growing up by looking back.

One morning when I was fifteen, I woke up and found a note taped to the outside of my bedroom door. My father had written it some time in the middle of the night… said he was just thinking about me and how hard life must be for an eighth-grader.

My dad was right-handed. He made mention to me on several occasions – while we were playing ball or throwing rocks into a lake – that he’d always wanted to be ambidextrous. He said that most great athletes could "go both ways," and it was something he could never grasp. My dad was not ambidextrous, but he wrote that note with his left hand. It had been several weeks since Lou Gehrig's disease had taken his good arm from him.

The note read:

'Mornin Son,

You are going to have a great day. It's yours, and you can make it anything you want it to be. If the weather calls for rain, decide now that you will enjoy getting wet. If the test score is low, make up your mind that 'it can only get better from here.' If punished unfairly for something, just smile for the many things you've not been caught for... Attitude is everything. Today is not yet anything. Fill it with laughter.

Dad.

I have enjoyed my life thus far. The best parts are still a bit out of focus, but they're coming back to me. Every day. Looking forward, filling it with laughter.